Repercussions of a Dying Love

Earlier this year I was dating a woman that I had liked for a long time. I fought for her attention and convinced her that we should take a shot at a relationship together. See, we both liked each other for over a year; it was to the point where every time we looked at each other we wanted to kiss but knew we couldn’t. So one day, I finally convinced her to give me a chance. We dated for a month and a half. It wasn’t easy but I fought every day to do everything in my power to make her happy.

One day, it seemed like everything changed for the worse. I was under a lot of stress and I snapped, I yelled at her. From then on we were on a downward spiral. I loved her, and I felt bad for losing my cool. I told her I would do anything to make up for it and make her happy. The fighting continued, the way she talked to me made me feel lower than dirt. She would attack me through text; accuse me of all these things that weren’t remotely true. The way she talked to me and treated me pushed me away. She talked about how we should just break up, and I was waiting for the day she would finally end it. One day I just couldn’t take her berating anymore and I ended the relationship.

Before we got together I had made her a promise that I would be her friend no matter what the outcome of our relationship. No matter how hurt I was I was committed to keeping that promise. Without a doubt, we were both hurt at the end of the relationship. She made me feel guilty, claimed that it came out of nowhere when I thought that I was giving her what she wanted. Months have gone by and I still can’t talk to her without getting in a fight. She makes me feel guilty. She tells me how much she hurts, how much she regrets. I tried to save the friendship, but it just isn’t going to happen anytime soon.

I lost a friend because I wanted to have a relationship with her. But that’s not the only repercussion of our breakup. We have a lot of friends in common, friends that I no longer have. See in our group of friends, I’m the monster and she’s the innocent victim. Like how dare I break her heart, I must be ashamed of myself. Because of our break up I lost friends. Because of our break up I feel unwanted in a group that I once sought comfort in. They took her side and made me out to be a monster, filled her head with terrible lies about me. Months later and we don’t even know each other like we thought we did. Making accusations that before the break up we never would have made. Leaving me with guilt and a lot of enemies. I would have done anything for her, but there is a time when the good person just can’t be the good person anymore. I can no longer sacrifice my feelings to try to make her happy. It hurts; this is not how I wanted things to end.

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